The Power of Self-Forgiveness in the Healing Journey

"Self forgiveness is the cornerstone of emotional well-being, personal growth and inner peace" ~ Brene Brown ~

When we think of healing—whether from trauma, loss, heartbreak, or even just the

slow erosion of our confidence over time—we often look outward. We seek therapy,

support groups, spiritual practices, new beginnings. But one of the most

transformative and underestimated steps in the healing journey is one that turns us

inward: self-forgiveness.

Healing is not just about recovering from what others did to us. It's also about

releasing ourselves from what we did—or believe we did—to ourselves or others.

We carry guilt like an invisible weight: things we said in anger, times we stayed too

long, left too soon, ignored red flags, or didn’t speak up when it mattered.

And while the world may offer sympathy or tell us to 'move on', true freedom only comes when we forgive ourselves.

Lack of self-forgiveness, can delay or stall healing. Shame takes the wheel. We

replay our mistakes, rewriting our identity around them. We become the villain in our

own story. But the truth is, mistakes are not the end—they’re often the very soil from

which wisdom grows.

There’s a common misconception that forgiving yourself means excusing poor

behaviour. It doesn’t. Self-forgiveness means taking honest responsibility, making

amends if needed, learning from it—and then choosing to stop punishing yourself.

It’s the difference between saying: “What I did was wrong, and I am a terrible person,” versus “What I did hurt someone, and I will do better. But I still deserve love and peace.”

One keeps you trapped. The other sets you free.

Without self-forgiveness:

• We self-sabotage relationships because we don’t believe we deserve good

ones.

• We resist opportunities, thinking we’re not capable or worthy.

• We become hypercritical, turning every small failure into evidence of our

unworthiness.

• We stay stuck in the past, unable to move forward with clarity or confidence.

  
  

PRACTISING Self-Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge What Happened

Be honest with yourself. What do you feel guilty about? Where are you still

carrying shame? Writing it out can help bring clarity.

2. Name the Impact—Without Judgment

Understand what your actions (or inaction) caused. But resist the urge to

spiral into blame. Awareness is key. Shame is not required.

3. Ask: Would I Speak This Way to Someone I Love?

Often, we hold ourselves to harsher standards than anyone else. Begin

speaking to yourself with the compassion you'd offer a dear friend.

4. Make Amends if Possible

If the situation involves others, and it’s safe and appropriate, take steps to

apologise or repair. Remember: forgiveness doesn’t always require the other

person’s response. It starts with your decision to let go.

5. Let Yourself Be Human

Perfection isn’t a prerequisite for being loved or respected. You are allowed to

have fallen short. You are allowed to begin again.

Some wounds don’t close in a day. You may need to revisit your own heart more

than once. And that’s okay. Healing doesn’t always look like moving on—it

sometimes looks like sitting still, holding the mess, and saying, “Even here, I am

worthy of compassion.”

Self-forgiveness isn’t just an act of kindness. It’s a radical reclaiming of your life. It’s

saying: “I am not defined by my past. I am learning, evolving, and still deserving of

peace.”

If you are on a healing journey, let this be your gentle reminder—you don’t have to

keep paying for the same mistake. The healing path becomes lighter when you

finally let yourself walk it free of shame.

The Power Of Self Forgiveness